Watching a friend or family member be in denial of a serious problem (e.g. mental health, addiction, cancer, etc.) can be extremely frustrating and heartbreaking to watch. Here’s what you can do about it:

1. Heal your own traumas. This will help you explain the process to your friend.
2. Talk to your friend and really listen. Figure out the problems that they want to work on.
3. Help them work through the problems that they want to work on.  This is an opportunity to give them the tools to get out of denial.

Continue reading “Dealing with somebody in deep denial” →

Many of our reactions to the world are learned.  We aren’t born with a fear of needles; we learned from experience that needles are painful.  After doing so, some of us developed some level of fear towards needles/syringes.  When we anticipate the pain of a needle, some of our brains will automatically respond to the anticipated ‘danger’ with heightened awareness, adrenaline, a faster pulse, sweaty palms, etc.  This happens without the person consciously ordering their bodies to do these things.

We also learn similar automatic responses to emotional and social threats.  These responses may be very problematic if they manifest as phobias or traumas that affect your everyday life.  Such responses can also result in depression, stress, and anxiety.  However, you can put in the work to re-program these automatic responses.

Continue reading “How to get rid of unwanted fears and anxieties” →

Many of our reactions to the world are learned.  We aren’t born with a fear of knives and guns.  We eventually learn that danger is imminent if we see somebody pull a weapon on us.  If that happens, our brain will automatically respond to the threat (e.g. heightened awareness, adrenaline, a faster pulse) without us having to think about it.  We also learn similar automatic responses to emotional and social threats.  These responses may be very problematic in adulthood when they lead to maladaptive  behaviours.  However, you can put in the work to re-program these automatic responses.

Continue reading “How to get rid of unwanted fears and behaviours (for narcissists)” →

If you’ve destroyed relationships with close friends, there’s still a chance that you can rebuild the bridges that you have burned. Try messaging your friend (or talk to them in person if they are still talking to you).

1. Own up to the harm you caused without downplaying what happened.  Do NOT whitewash what happened.
2. Optional: apologize for what you did.
3. Explain that you have a problem (e.g. narcissistic personality disorder, if applicable) where you constantly need to de-value others, causing you to destroy relationships that you care about.
4. Ask for a small amount of help. Ask your friend for their advice on understanding empathy or how you can make the relationship healthier.

Trying to fix your mistakes can help you grow as a person.

Continue reading “How to fix broken relationships” →